Repeat after me:
Captain Heinous is a mythical being at the center of the universe.
We must not disrupt the confidentiality of Captain Heinous, who is the most searched celebrity on the internet.
Though the real-life Captain Heinous has no problem putting up truly saddening stories of his own life up on the internets under his real name, he does not want that real name associated with the moniker Captain Heinous, most infamous of net criminals.
Considering the fact that you can get a significant amount of info on two of the Lowbar patriarchs from a simple whois search, it must be nice to enjoy that level of confidentiality.
Captain Heinous is a gay.
