The Captain-as-a-Lieutenant Heinous Paint Ball Strategy Part 1
Wow, reading the war diary from Ape brought tears to my eyes as I remember the days, way back when, where I played Paint Ball probably twice or three times per year. It has indeed improved as a sport tremendously and it is indeed a complete nightmare to have the "pros" in your group. They do not make the day fun at all. Essentially for the newbies, the standard issue gun is, or was when I played last, a bolt action side-loader pistol. If you are lucky or want to borrow one, you may get issued the oversized ammo feeder that sends your load from 10 paint balls to nearly 100 in one fill. This would have helped Ape a great deal. Now the pros bring fancy hardware indeed. They are usually equipped with a top-load semi-automatic assault rifle. I have even been victim of a freaking AUTOMATIC machine-gun style jobbie that blew away 8 of us drunk frat boys before we knew what hit us. I might as well have dumped a can of paint over myself.
Now one note on Ape's experience that is worth sharing. Where I come from, a head shot DOES NOT count as a kill, safety reasons I guess. So if all you see is the person's head, don't take the shot. Pros do not play by this rule and it is frustrating. These guys are basically transplanted rednecks that have nothing better to do than relive the Nam days and pretend a kid wearing Timberlands and ripped jeans with a ball cap on backwards is a dirty slant-eyed nip thats goinna infiltrate our wire and throw a boobie-trapped baby at us for Charlie's cause. And that could ruin your day.
I always use the same equipment and tactics, and the Captain is a freaking master at "disappearing." I don't even wear camo to speak of, but good heavy clothes that I can run fast as shit in. Jeans, Sketchers (low ankle, heavy gauge tread, and lightweight), t-shirt, and a waterproof hooded pullover that is drab green. Now the drab green is a coincidence, but this pullover made by Cumberland Transit is the gem of close quarter combat with low-velocity projectiles. Basically another rule is that if the ball does not break, you ain't dead. This pullover not only is easy to clean if you do get paint-blasted, it actually absorbs the hit and many times keeps the ball from exploding, and therefore, not killing you...brilliant!
See Part 2
