NEWSFLASH: The Captain Wins the Lottery
Today in Arlington, VA, the now defamous Captain Heinous purchased the winning multi-state Power Ball lottery ticket, the $90 million to be awarded April 2, 2002. Unfortunately for all other would be consumers, this news must come as a tragic loss to a hope not met by many but a few. The Captain thanks you for your patronage but strongly suggests that you refrain from asking for handouts.
