"Don't worry America, it's perfectly safe to eat turkey this Thanksgiving. There is absolutely no chance that the bird flu has infected our poultry. There's no way that migratory birds infected with H5N1 from Canada have flown South into the U.S." [turns to turkey] "You're a cute little fella..." [cough] "Why Laura and I'd would like to cook you up..." [cough] [wheeze] "But looks like I'm gonna pardon you this year..." [sneeze] [cough] "Happy Thanksgiving everybody!" [hack] [spittle] [juicy, wet cough].
# posted by Howie Hardcore @
11/22/2005 01:09:00 PM ::
# posted by Captain Heinous @
11/18/2005 10:27:00 AM ::
# posted by Captain Heinous @
11/18/2005 10:16:00 AM ::
Plumtreer: Capt, This is Andrew from Plumtree, was wondering if you could come in for an interview.
CaptHeinous: Yeah sure
Plumtreer: no really I mean it this time
CaptHeinous: Yup, send me email
Plumtreer: we need you expertise to roll out a B2C portal and leverage that to existing customers within the paradigm of customer relationship tracking
CaptHeinous: $$
Plumtreer: we pay you a competitive salary, exxellerated stock option plan and did I mention the free coffee?
CaptHeinous: What kind?
Plumtreer: strong
CaptHeinous: By the way, what expertise are you referring to?
Plumtreer: Your ability to "go long", deploy and present to C-level audiences
CaptHeinous: How did you get my IM?
Plumtreer: It's in the Portal. It's all in the portal!
CaptHeinous: Email the deets bro
Plumtreer: Gotta reboot capt, back in 5
CaptHeinous: okeedokee
# posted by Captain Heinous @
11/18/2005 09:56:00 AM ::
# posted by Captain Heinous @
11/18/2005 04:20:00 AM ::
There's a report on Boxun.com that states there may be over 300 people dead of bird flu and thousands quarantined in China. Boxun is a site where anyone can post rumours but they've had a pretty good track record thus far with the bird flu outbreak in China. It'll be interesting to see if this is true or not. See the
full story and province by province chart here.
Number Deaths 310
Number Infected 854
Number Quarantined 5554
Number Disappeared 53
Total Cases 1164
Mortality Rate 26%
# posted by Howie Hardcore @
11/17/2005 09:00:00 PM ::
Human cases of bird flu in the motherfucking house
# posted by Bil Klinton @
11/16/2005 07:29:00 AM ::
Shares of Yum Brands Inc., one of the world's largest fast-food franchisers, slipped 2 percent Friday amid concerns that a bird flu epidemic could threaten sales at the company's Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants.
Story
# posted by Howie Hardcore @
11/11/2005 11:23:00 PM ::
It's almost safe to say that H5N1 bird flu has made it to the United States via migratory birds such as geese. The reason I say this is that a large number of migratory birds in Canada are H5 positive (a more common form of the flu) and as further test are conducted they may prove to be H5N1 positive. These tests take time and during this time those birds will continue to migrate south to the U.S. There is nothing the U.S. can do to stop the mass migration of birds so soon we shall see H5N1 endemic to the U.S. What this means to us is that our poultry supply is in danger. Organic, free range farms will probably be hit first but just one infestation will be ample to scare the majority of people into going chicken, turkey and duck free for the forseeable future. With Thanksgiving only 2 and a half weeks away, it will be intresting to see if the bird makes it to the table. I for one am eating turkey tonight, a Glatt kosher turkey breast, which is oh so delicious when roasted with butter.
# posted by Howie Hardcore @
11/07/2005 11:12:00 AM ::
I'm often asked "Hey Howie, how can I make a buck off of the coming bird flu scare?" Well I've given it some thought and here's what I say:
1. Kozmo.com redux
2. Short sell Tyson's, KFC, or anything having to do with poultry
3. Hams shaped to look like turkeys for Thanksgiving
4. Designer face masks
5. Home network set-up (as everyone will be telecommuting)
6. Culling service
7. Short sell any airline
8. Fake vaccines
9. Caskets
10. Quarantine security guard
# posted by Howie Hardcore @
11/01/2005 06:56:00 AM ::
